A Bad Conversationalist

    I will be the first to admit, as will anyone who knows me and is willing to be honest, that I don't do well in social situations.  Conversation is perhaps one of the most challenging things that I ever have to do. I know that may sound a little odd, but it is the truth. When I find myself in a social situation in which I am expected to talk to someone, I completely freeze up and generally struggle, for something, ANYTHING, to talk about.
 
     What really makes this bizarre in my case is that speaking in public does not cause me any problems. I have done presentations to large audiences a number of times, and not only do I like to do it, I humbly admit that I am quite good at it.  Particularly if the topic at hand is something I am passionate about. I have taught classes, given lectures, addressed large assemblies, and generally enjoyed getting up in front of crowds and pouring out my stuff with passion and conviction. So why can't I be just as forthcoming in a casual situation?

    This is not a minor problem. My inability to interact socially has cost me dearly over the years, in more ways than I probably realize. I am finally overcoming it, and I am surprised at the source of this new found inspiration. Recently, after years of thinking about it, and researching, I decided to take the final step, and petition an Ancient, Free and Accepted Masons lodge for the degrees of Freemasonry. I went into this expecting one thing and have, in such a short time, received something totally different, but so much better than I ever expected.

    You see, I expected to meet a group of men who I would be able to know and perhaps meet with for social reasons on occasion. I was attracted to the concept of guys getting together, without one of the two extremes that my usual (small) circle of friends seems to focus on. Now, before I continue, I want to say that I'm am walking on very, very thin ice here. I am almost afraid to go down this path, because I know that one misplaced word can have the completely unintentional consequence of offending one or more of the close friends that I hold so dear. So before I proceed, please, please understand that I have no intention of insult or injury to anyone in what I am about to write. I really mean this.

    As I said, my friends tend to come in two flavors - highly religious, or highly party motivated. I honestly am not 100% comfortable with either. I love them all, but I am always afraid of slipping up and embarrassing myself with my religious friends. You know, dropping that profane word at the wrong moment, or unthinkingly quoting a person who they feel is immoral. Worse yet would be to do something that they may see as wrong, and not even knowing it. There is a lot of stress there for me. And again, there is nothing wrong with them. This is the social anxiety I spoke of in the introduction coming to the surface. I'm actually pretty religious myself, but my personal faith is a hodge podge coming from many directions, including my Catholic upbringing, my own personal studies, my contacts with people of other faith walks, and many other factors.

    At the same time, I've never been 100% comfortable with my party crowd either. Again, I love them to death. But I'm not a drinker. No religious or moral conviction at play here, and I will have a drink, but it just isn't a big deal to me. Too many alcoholics in the family tree scares me, I have to admit, and I'm not crazy about the taste, especially beer. Hey, I don't like mustard either. Stop judging me. I also do not indulge in any other mind altering drugs, or tobacco. Tobacco, I do have an issue with, it stinks, and it killed my mother, my mother in law, my favorite uncle, and it causes me to have asthma attacks. But if you want to smoke, it's your lungs, not mine. I just politely request you don't smoke in my home. The rest of the drug scene is a "meh" to me. I've never tried them, don't have any interest in it. If it's your thing, it's your body, I don't care. Just don't try to drive or do something where you might hurt someone else. So when I get together with these folks, I worry that they think I'm trying to be a "saint", mainly because I've never hidden my faith, and that they won't want me around because they think I'm judging them. I'm not, but again, it's that social anxiety kicking in.

    So after saying all that, it probably sounds very strange that I enjoy being around people, just as long as I don't have to initiate a conversation. I also love to talk. If you have a conversation, and engage me in it, I can talk for hours. How neurotic is that? But back to the topic at hand, because I am rambling. I sought out the Freemasons for two reasons, one, they have a strict rule not to discuss politics or religion in the lodge. Sweet. That takes care of social anxiety problem number one. Secondly, going back to the 19th century, Masonic lodges in America do not allow alcohol. That eliminates problem 2! I may have to check these guys out, right? So I did, expecting to find a group of guys I could meet with every month or so to contribute to the community, and perhaps make some good contacts. I figure, if the conspiracy theorists are right, I might as well be on the right side. Who knows, maybe it will get me out of a speeding ticket one day. I really had no expectations beyond that.

    Was I ever wrong. What I found was a group of like minded men, from all walks of life, who sought to constantly improve themselves, and to always be there for each other. They didn't care about religion, although many are very faithful. They don't care about my politics, although many are very active politically. They don't care that I'm not a drinking man, although I'm sure a few of them may tip one back on occasion. What I found, much to my surprise and joy, was a group of men that I felt instantly comfortable with. I have no problem talking with them about a variety of topics. I feel no judgement, not that any of my other friends judge me, but that social anxiety was gone. I have found a home. This is what I have been looking for for 45 years. Friends and brothers who will listen, talk, and spend time with me as I am. All the while, making me a better man.

    Some misinformed people think Freemasonry is anti Christian, or a cult, or a political group bent on world domination. They could not be further from the truth. The Masons I have met may not all be Christians, but they live out Christian values better than many people who like to advertise their Christianity to the world. Remember what Jesus told us? That the greatest commandment was to "Love the Lord God with all your heart, and to love your neighbor as you love yourself." ? That is the essence of what I have found in the lodge. So if I seem to be very excited about it, I am.

    But you say that Mason's seem to be in positions of power? I say you are looking at it from the wrong angle. There have been many Masons who have become very powerful. Fourteen U.S. Presidents were Freemasons. I would posit that Masonry did in fact play a role in their success, but not for the reasons conspiracy theorists would claim. Masonry teaches us to be better men, to strive to be the best we can be, and to serve our communities and our fellow man. How can those lessons not help a man reach the highest levels of government? To be a successful leader, one must learn to be a successful servant. That is a fundamental fact. That fact is at the heart of Freemasonry. A good Freemason is by his very nature a servant. So it follows that many Masons will seek out positions of service. Look up that list of Presidents. Many of them are considered some of the best this country has ever had. That's not a coincidence.

    So back to my social anxiety issues - I know this post seems like quite a ramble through a lot of topics, but that is the heart of it. I am thrilled to find myself, after 46 years, finally overcoming this crippling issue. And I'm doing it without altering my brain chemistry, without resorting to mind altering drugs, and without following some self help guru's platitudes on winning friends and influencing people. (As a side note, I love good self help literature. I encourage all of my employees to read the great works, including Dale Carnegie, but at the same time, I am not a big proponent of Carnegie's teaching, not because he was wrong, per se, but because I think his teachings are too easily misread.) I did it by finding a group of brothers and letting them take me as I am, and helping me become who I want to be. I am only now taking the very first steps of this journey, and already, I have found so much to be thankful for. So to all my Masonic brothers - Thank you!

    And to all my other friends, on both sides of the spectrum. I still love you guys too! Probably more now than ever! And I hope that you will find me to be a better friend than ever. At least I hope I'm no longer the weird guy in the corner who never talks much. But if you do see me, don't hesitate to come talk to me! I will talk back, I promise.

A Line In The Sand

In the annals of History we have a story. This story is of a group of men who were willing to stand up for what they believed in, even if it meant losing everything they had, including their lives.  The story tells us that sometime between March 3^rd and 5^th, 1836, Colonel William Barrett Travis assembled his men at Mission San Antonio Valero, what we commonly call the Alamo.  As the story goes, when Santa Anna sent Col. Travis a letter demanding surrender, Travis assembled the men and explained that defeat was certain, then withdrew his army saber from its scabbard and drew a line in the dirt, asking all those who would stand with him to cross over. All but one, Moses Rose, elected to stay, fight, and ultimately die for what they believed in. Is the story true?  Who knows?  Moses Rose spent the rest of his life trying to live down the ignominy of being the “coward of the Alamo”, so he certainly would not verify the story.  Nevertheless, in the end, it really does not matter, truth or allegory, it makes a point that there comes a time when people must choose between being cowards, or standing up for what they believe in.

                My fellow Americans, we are at one of those moments now.  Our constitutional right to keep and bear arms is under the greatest attack in history. At times in our nation’s history other parts of the Bill of Rights have been attacked, and these attacks ultimately have been repelled but often at the costs of lives, fortunes, and sacred honor.  Just as there have been reporters who have justifiably gone to jail to protect their rights to free speech, just as Joseph Smith was a martyr to his right to practice his religion, just as Medgar Evers and so many others gave their lives for others freedom, we find ourselves again at a crossroads, where fear and predjudice meet to deprive honest citizens of their constitutional rights, and we must choose.

                My question to you is, is this your line?  I am finding that for me, it is.  I find myself researching very carefully companies and organizations, to see if they have a stated position on the 2^nd amendment.  I find myself losing longtime friends and acquaintances over this.  I have made drastic changes in my spiritual life. I have found my line in the sand.

                Because of this line, I have resigned a church council position I have held for several years.  I have disassociated myself, personally, with the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) because of their call for strict gun control. In searching for a new church home, I have summarily rejected the United Methodist Church, The Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), the Episcopal Church, and even a return to the Roman Catholic Church, all because of their official positions calling for strict gun control. I am sure other churches have similar statements, these are the ones which I have found to date.  I reject these positions, and refuse to be associated with any of these organizations because of this issue. I do believe churches should always follow a policy of pursuing nonviolence.  I too pursue that policy.  That’s why I carry a gun, a .40 caliber violence deterrent works when all other options have failed.  To these churches, I ask, when Jesus was taken captive by the Romans in the garden, what happened?  Remember?  Peter drew his sword and sliced off a man’s ear.  Jesus then told him to put it away.  I want to put that in context.  At the time of Christ, the Roman Gladius, i.e. a short sword, was the most formidable individual weapon known to man. And here was Jesus’ right hand man carrying one.  Really no different that a group of guys going to a park for a prayer meeting, and one of them carrying an AR type rifle today.  And Peter deployed and used it.  Did Jesus chastise him for having it? No.  Think about it.  Swords are not easy to hide.  Jesus knew he had one.  More than likely, the other Apostles did as well.  Jesus did not try to take away the sword from Peter.  He merely told him to put it away, that it was not the time to use it.

                The question must be asked why Peter carried one in the first place.  While it isn’t written down anywhere, I don’t think it is too far of a leap to suggest that he had that sword to protect himself from thieves and other violent criminals.  He obviously felt the need to protect himself, and Jesus, from the Jewish authorities.  Keep in mind also, that  Judah, at time, was a province of Rome, and in less than 40 years, Jerusalem would be sacked and the Temple destroyed under the heal of an oppressive government. Two years after the destruction of the Temple, 960 brave Jewish freedom fighters would have their Alamo.  They would find their line in the sand at a place called Masada, and live forever in history as heroes.  How were the Jewish patriots able to fight the Roman’s, the most powerful army in history to that date?  They were able to, in no small part, because the Romans had been unable to disarm them.  I usually try to stay away from playing the “what if” game when dealing with history.  I am a trained and degreed Historian, and playing what if has always been something I attributed to amateurs.  However, the question must be asked, what if the Jews, the Gypsy’s, the Masons, the Slavs, and all those other groups would have had Mauser rifles in 1940?  What if the Students and Tiananmen Square could have fought back?  What if?  It’s not just about fighting back against criminals, although that is by far the most common use for personal arms, but it is also about checks and balances.  Remember those from High School Government?  Congress places checks and balances on the Executive, and Judiciary, and the Executive places checks and balances on the Judiciary and Congress, and the Judiciary places checks and balances on the Executive and Congress? They always left one group out.  And it is one that none of the founders would have forgotten.  The People.  The People place checks and balances on all branches of the government, and they use two tools to do it.  The first is the ballot box, and the second is an armed citizenry.  Take away that check and balance point, and you will throw the entire nation into turmoil, and set it on a path to destruction. 

                This then is the point that all gun control advocates fail to see.  The government, any government, when left unchecked, will ultimately become oppressive.  History has shown us this over and over again. I am not in any way calling for revolution or civil war here.  I love the United States of America.  I revere the fact that we have maintained a peaceful transition of power, without violence since the 1868 elections.  I hope and pray that we can maintain that for hundreds of more years to come.  Nevertheless, I maintain that the reason we can is because of the 2^nd amendment.  It is not about hunting, although I love to hunt.  I can effectively hunt using archery equipment.  It’s about protection, from both criminals and governments that mean to do me harm.  Peter did not carry that sword in hopes he would be able to sneak up on a rabbit and slit it’s throat.  He carried that sword to protect himself from criminals and thugs, both official ones and unofficial ones. Nothing has changed.  We still have that need.  If the criminals and thugs have swords, then I need at least a sword.  If they have AR type weapons with 30 round magazines, then I need the same.  Moreover, in obtaining and keeping them, I take upon my own shoulders the mantle of protecting not only myself, but you too.

It is time for a reality check.  Let us look at some numbers, shall we?  Mexico has very strict gun control, yet more murders by firearms  than many other countries.  In 2010 for example, Mexico had 11.14 firearm related deaths per 100,000 people.  And breaking those down even further, of those 11.14 deaths, 10.0 were homicide.  .67 were suicide, and .47 were unintentional.  Compared to the United States, with 10.2 firearm related deaths per 100,000 people, but only 3.7 of those are homicides. 6.1 were suicides, and .2 were unintentional. So in the U.S. of those 10.2 deaths per 100k, realistically, removing every single firearm from existence would have prevented, at the most, 3.9 deaths per 100k. I base this on the belief, which I feel is well founded, that a suicidal person will find a way to kill themselves, one way or the other.  In addition, I stress that 3.9 is the most that might have been prevented.  Homicide was not invented with the firearm. Before firearms, there was knives, swords, bows, arrows, even rocks. If someone wants to do harm to another badly enough, they will find a way.

                I am not so callused as to believe that the events in Newtown, Aurora, Columbine, and Ft. Hood were not tragic.  I do not think any sane person would even attempt to refute that.  I do think it is striking that the common thread in each of these events was that these all took place in supposedly safe “gun free” locations.  No one has ever been protected by a cheap plastic sign from someone who is bent on hurting them.  That is reality.  It is not pretty, and it does not make us feel good, but that is the problem.  We, as a society and culture, have placed so much emphasis on feeling good and warm and snuggly and safe, that we have brought this on ourselves. It doesn’t make us feel good to have armed men and women roaming the halls of our schools to protect the children. After all it might upset their sensibilities.  It doesn’t make us feel good to identify people with obvious psychological problems, and remove them from society where they can hurt others, using a strait jacket if necessary.  It might hurt their feelings, and cause their parents anguish.  I don’t mean to be harsh, but really, how about the parents of the victims?  For those parents who have been faced with that choice, and made the right one, I commend them, but they are few and far between.  I know several families who have children that have demonstrated psychological issues.  In each and every case, they have made it a point to make sure dangerous tools, like firearms for example, were not in place were the child could obtain them  When it comes to Newtown in particular, I become very frustrated, because the fault lies with the mother.  She knew he was disturbed, yet she kept the weapons, and kept them in a place where he can get them.  And she paid the price for it.  The unfortunate thing is that so do 26 other people, but back to the topic at hand.  We do not want to take responsibility for our entertainment choices.  There’s no way 2.5 hours of shooting and blowing up everything in sight in a movie, or endless hours of Modern Warfare or Halo could incite a person to violence. The media doesn’t have that kind of influence over people’s behavior, right?  Then why do I have to sit through endless commercials every time I want to watch a TV show?  Are they trying to say that the 30 second commercial will influence my choices and behavior, but the gory slasher movie doesn’t?  I have to admit, I may not be the most sophisticated guy there is, but that sounds stupid to me. I could turn this into another entire blog post about personal and parental responsibility, but that will be for another time.

                                We have reached our Alamo.  Our Santa Anna today comes in the form of Diane Feinstein, Barack Obama, and Mike Bloomberg.  Our line has been drawn. Are you going to stand, or will you be the Moses Rose of this battle?  Will you give up your church, your friends, and if need be, your life, your fortune, and your sacred honor?  There is so much we can do.  We can write.  We can share this message with others.  We can refute their arguments with facts.  Throw your money and support behind organizations that are on your side.  Conversely, withdraw that support from organizations opposed to you. For this issue, that means supporting the NRA.  I am a life member.  You may not like everything they do, or the way they do it, but right now, they are the 800 pound gorilla standing between you and Senator Feinstein, so I suggest you give it a banana and let it do its thing.  Also, check with organizations you are associated with.  Do they reflect your values?  I found that many don’t.  Withdraw your support.  It may be painful.  It was for me, I loved the people I attended Church with, but I cannot support the ELCA.  As a sidebar, for those of you who are Lutheran, and are wondering, the Missouri Synod is out as a choice for me as well, based on their stand on an totally different issue.  When I withdrew from ALC, I cited personal reasons.  I didn’t want to engage in a politically charged debate with people I otherwise loved and cared for.  I now think I may have been wrong there, but that was before Newtown, and the renewed attacks on our rights.  Folks, Barak Obama has ordered that El Deguello be played. It is time to take a stand.  So what about you?  Has your line been drawn? 

Christmas and Glue

    It's about 6:30 on Christmas morning, and I am the only one up at my house. Because of family traditions that go back many years, the presents are all unwrapped, and all the family visiting is done for another year. I'm the only one up in our house, and this has given me some time to reflect on the past year, Christmas, and many other things.
    What is Christmas to you? Skeptics will tell you it's just a day that was arbitrarily picked to celebrate the birth of a child, and the day was perhaps picked to appease pagans who were already celebrating something else on this day. Perhaps that is the case. It's all conjecture. One of the fundamental rules of historical scholarship is that if it wasn't written down down by several independent sources, it didn't happen, so all of that is conjecture. My point though is that is really doesn't matter. 
    Christmas is more than a day to celebrate a birth. Christmas is more than a day to overeat. Christmas is more than a day to give and receive. Christmas is more than just a day to reconnect with family and friends. Yes it is all those things. But those aren't nearly as important as what Christmas really is. Christmas is glue. Christmas is a day in which for a short time anyway, the majority of mankind is united. It is a day, or perhaps a season, where we all come together and enjoy spending time together and being generous. It is a bonding agent that unites disparate materials together as one for a short time, and that is the real power of Christmas.  
    Among Christians, it is a short time in which we can put aside theological differences, which probably don't matter to much to Christ anyway, and be one in worship. It doesn't matter if you are Catholic, Baptist, Pentecostal, Methodist, or whatever flavor of Christian you may be, we all unite on this day. Non-Christians as well. Many Jews, Hindus, and Muslims still celebrate the spirit of the season, visiting, exchanging gifts and good tidings, and in general, embracing the true spirit of God, which is love. St. Paul said it best so many centuries ago in his letter to the Corinthians (13:13) "But now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love." God is Love, and, lest we ever forget that, which we often do, we have a few select days, among which, the greatest is Christmas, to remind us, and reunite us, in that overpowering love. 

Merry Christmas Everyone!

A little History Lesson

This is a short piece I originally posted on Facebook. I am reposting it here in hopes it may reach a larger audience.

    I heard some talking head on the news yesterday reporting about 30 round magazines, and saying that these were designed for soldiers, and not for civilians. Statements like this show just how ignorant people have become of the fundamental liberties of our country. If the soldiers have them, that is PRECISELY the reason I should be able to have them too. Disagree? Try reading a little Thomas Jefferson or Thomas Paine. Don't think a people can stand up against a modern military with basic weaponry? Then why are we still fighting insurgents in Afghanistan after 10 years? What about Libya and Egypt? Conversely, if you think disarming the populace will make it safer, I suggest you again return to the history books, and see how that worked out for the Jews, Masons, Socialists, Eastern Europeans and numerous other minority groups that came under the heel of Nazi Jackboots in the 1930's and 1940's. And your perceived democracy won't always save you. Adolph Hitler was legally elected Chancellor. There is nothing new under the sun. A serious study of history can demonstrate outcomes to just about anything, before it is even tried.

Feeling philosophical

    It is, at times, not easy to describe a day.  So many things happen in the course of a daily journey that, at the time, seem trivial, yet often the filter of personal history, that distant mirror of remembrance, proves otherwise.  I often struggle with what to write in these pages, as I often wonder if any others ever will, or ever should, read them.  Yet I feel compelled to write them, even if they are ultimately to be consigned to the ashes of waste and landfill.  Perhaps in my dotage, I will turn back to these musings with fond memory and recollection.

    Yet of this day? I worked, I fought battles, and with allies, appear to have won.  I practiced being a better man, and I took another tentative step to enlightenment. Most importantly, I enjoyed another day with the ones I love the most.
   
    Should I be so philosophical?  Perhaps not.  I am but a common man living in common, but trying times.  One small tentative voice in the cacophony of global conversation.  One more person who desires to make a mark, to leave a legacy, to be heard.