I poured my heart and soul into the last post, so I was not
too sure that I would have too much else to give in regards to another post for
a while. Yet even as I was posting the
last post, a Facebook comment from a coworker regarding the fact that, in her
opinion, chivalry is dead, caused me to start contemplating my next entry. As I have grown older, and hopefully wiser, I
feel compelled to stand in the gap, and do some small part in the fight against
the social and cultural degradation we seem to be experiencing in our world,
and in our country. We have gone down a
slippery wet road to get where we are, and the climb back up will be difficult,
but I believe it is a fight that individuals can win, should they desire to do
so. What then is the solution to our
current morass of vulgarity and rudeness? Just as we didn’t get to this place
through a massive cultural shift, but rather through a series of baby steps,
each of which relaxed the social norms of polite society just a little more, so
too will we have to take a series of baby steps to climb back up the hill. In
spite of what the news media and politicians try to sell to the ignorant
masses, there is no “big bang” solution to this problem. There has not been a single big cause, but
instead, a series of steps that have led to where we are today. So why would they think a big solution is
necessary? Yet in typical knee jerk
fashion, the answer is to throw billions of dollars away in pursuit of some
government program that is destined to fail.
The United
States, from its very beginnings, has walked a razors edge when it comes to
politeness. By its very egalitarian
nature, the country has struggled to maintain civility without obsequiousness. When Washington first took his seat as the
president, it should be noted that as he entered the congressional chambers,
all the congressional representatives rose to their feet, in a gesture of
politeness, but upon returning to their seats, they replaced their hats upon
their heads, to indicate their equality.
We, as a country, have always battled the need to show respect with the
stated belief that all men are created equal.
The problem begins when a confusion between equality and familiarity. I may be equal in all parts to my doctor;
still, unless we are friends, convention insists that I refer to this person as
Dr. so and so. While this norm is still
in wide use, you must ask why then, do so many make the presumption that this
is not necessary with others? I must
admit that that I find it a little rude to receive a phone call or email from a
vendor that I do not know who immediately addresses me as Steve. I do not think it necessary to take it to the
level of Victorian convention, yet good manners does lead me to believe that
until I have formally introduced myself, I, or anyone else, should be address
by their formal name, not the familiar. Now, once I have introduced myself as
Steve Lamb, I have given tacit approval for the use of my first name. This is a simple example, but one that bears
some thought.
Yet
another impolite trend that has taken hold is the use of profanity, by both
sexes, in any circumstance. I have, on
occasion, been known to tell people not to use that type of language in front
of my children. On the baseball field,
as an umpire, I will assure you it is one of the “P”’s that will get you
ejected from a ballgame without discussion.
My mother used to say that people who used cuss words were uneducated,
and did not know the adjectives that should be used, and resorted instead to
profanity. Profanity has been around
forever, and there are times when it is perfectly acceptable to speak whatever
words you want, but we should all be mindful of the time and place before using
such language. We should also not be
afraid to tell someone to watch their mouth, particularly when children are
present. I promise, I am no angel here.
I can weave profanity a sentence like a milliner weaves Venetian lace, but I do
try hard, although I sometimes fail, to not do so when it would be inappropriate.
There
are many other things I could expound on, but I believe that we all know
rudeness when we hear it. I would like to make just one more point,
however. In recent years, it has become
quite fashionable to state that a person is a “straight shooter”, that “they
tell you what they think”, or that with this or that person, “what you see is
what you get”. Unfortunately, all this is really saying is that this person is
trying, and mostly failing to hide rudeness with a veil of honesty. You can tell the truth without being rude,
and being rude does not make you a bigger or better person, it just makes you
rude.
In
the end, we as individuals can do much to re-institute a polite society
in America. The simplest thing that
anyone can do is to start making a conscientious effort to be polite
yourself. Most people over the age of
forty have probably been taught what used to be called “manners”. Nevertheless, we have slipped away from
them. Part of the problem is that we
have evolved to put such a high value on casual behavior as to have the undesired
effect of killing off the polite society that we should instead treasure. As I stated earlier, I am not advocating a
return to Victorian principles such as wearing tuxedos to dinner every night,
although I do own my own tux, and wear it whenever I have an appropriate reason
to do so. Nevertheless, I am advocating,
for example, simple things, such as keeping the elbows off the table. That is only one example, and this is not
meant to be an etiquette guide. There are wonderful sources of free information
available to us all. I personally am a
huge fan of this web site: www.artofmanliness.com
. There are others as well, for men,
women and children. I strongly recommend that you explore these for yourself. To close, I leave you with this, politeness
is a virtue and, as Benjamin Franklin once so famously said, “Only a virtuous
people are capable of freedom. As nations become more corrupt and vicious, the
have more need of masters.”.
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