What Have We Done?

                I woke up this morning and turned the news on, only to hear of yet another pedophile’s arrest.  This particular piece of excrement was living in a travel trailer, and was found in possession of thousands of pornographic pictures of children, as well as a stash of little girl’s panties.  This is incredibly disturbing to me, and I feel so strongly about it that I am led to speak out about a number of points regarding this issue, and the impact it has on our society.  I think there are multiple issues at play here, and will be hard to cover it all. However, since it is so distasteful, I am going to try to wrap it up in one post, so this is a very long one.

                First, I must start with a statement about how I feel about these… I cannot use the word “people”, that would be too complementary, nor does “human”  work, so I will resort to calling them what they are, simply… predators.  I can think of justifiable reasons that a person may commit just about any crime.  I want to stress that I am not saying I agree with crime, or that I condone it in any way, but realistically, for example, a hungry person who steals something to eat, or a wife who runs down her husband when she catches him with another woman, are all examples that I think most people can at least understand.  It does not mean that their actions are right, or that I condone them, but I can see how they got to that place.  I cannot, though, in any stretch of the imagination, comprehend someone molesting a child.  Perhaps because my wife and I struggled for so long to have children, I am particularly defensive when it comes to children, but really, shouldn’t we all be?  These little angels represent the best of humanity.  They are where we all once were, and would probably like to return; innocent, trusting, happy, and carefree. Or that is where they should be, unless some worthless piece of rotten meat steals it from them. So I think I am pretty clear on where I stand in regards to child predators.  In my opinion, there is no cure, and if there ever was a crime that I could believe should be capital, it is this one.  At the least, I favor permanently removing the predator from the public, and permanently removing any sexual drivers from them as well. I have no mercy for them. But before I go further, I must tell you that just as with anything, there are multiple classes of predator in the group we call pedophiles.  First, throw oout the 19 year old boy having consensual sex with his 16 or 17 year old girlfriend. That is a different discussion for a different time. Furthermore, I do not intend to address the sociopathic predator. The John Wayne Gacy’s of the world. That is an entirely different class of animal, that can only be dealt with as you would with any dangerous animal. And I also think that many of the pedophiles from the Catholic Clergy, not all, but many, have a different set of factors that drove them there. These factors that can only be corrected by the hierarchy of the Church, not the people of this country.  I believe, realistically, that these predators, while making great headlines, are not the biggest group of pedophiles out there. The biggest group, and by its very size, the most dangerous, is the guy next door, the man who works in the cubicle next to you, the person that you would have never suspected. The Jerry Sandusky’s of the world. Just as with gun violence, the majority of killings are not perpetrated by mass murderers, but by career criminals, so it is with sexual abuse. It’s not renegade Catholic Priests or violent mass murderers who also abuse the children before killing them, it’s the perpetrator you never suspected. Luckily, I believe that there is something we as a society might be able to do to prevent these abusers from committing their crimes.  I believe that there are a large number of pedophiles who went over the a “moral cliff” who would not have, absent something to kick them over the edge, to take that leap into the abyss of depravity.

                So I  have to ask the questions. How did they get there? What synaptic misfire causes them to see a child as an object of desire? Is our culture doing something that encourages this behavior? If so, what? What should we be doing to discourage it? The media is all abuzz right now about gun violence, and how we have to stop the bloodshed, and all the gun control advocates keep pointing to the victims of Sandy Hook and Columbine, as well as other places, as justification for their prohibitive legislation. Yet where is the voice for THESE children? Taking the numbers from one of the most draconian gun control organizations, 5,740 children and teens were killed by guns in two years in the U.S. (2008 and 2009) (see http://www.childrensdefense.org/child-research-data-publications/data/protect-children-not-guns-2012.pdf). At the same time, there were 86.7 and 87.2 million kids in the US in those two years, respectively. In the U.S. there are about 3.3 million reports of child abuse each year, of which, 9.2% are from sexual abuse (see http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics). So let’s do the math. That comes out to 326,700 children who are victims of sexual abuse in the U.S. each year. To compare with the gun control figures, you are comparing 653,400 children to 5,740. And worldwide, it is even worse. According to a study published in Clinical Psychology Review, 19.7 % of female children and 7.9 % of male children are sexually abused globally. Do you realize what that means? Almost 20% of the little girls in this world are victims. 20%! I have to ask, are our law makers really focusing on the right things? I don’t mean to turn this particular post into a second amendment rant, so I only want to add a point or two more.  Make no mistake, a child dying, for any reason, but particularly in a mass shooting such as Newtown, is tragic. I cannot comprehend the pain that the parents must feel.  Nevertheless, parents of children who were abused also feel the consequences, especially if the abuse was at the hands of someone they trusted, such as Jerry Sandusky.  And what about the victims themselves?  Now, I am about to make a statement that might cause me to be hated, but I would posit, for the children themselves, the scars and pain of sexual molestation that survivors carry are worse than the scars and pain that the shooting victims experienced.  No matter your faith practice, or lack thereof, no one can argue the finality of death.  These poor babies are gone, to Heaven, Paradise, to be reincarnated, or simply they have ceased to be, but regardless of your beliefs, their pain and suffering is over.  Not so for sexual abuse survivors.  They carry that for the rest of their lives.

                We have to start with how we have arrived at a time when this abuse has become so prevalent.  I’ve given it a lot of thought, both as a father, in a desire to protect my sons, and as a citizen who desires to protect our greatest resource, our children.  I believe there are a number of factors in play here. First, let me state that I know that pedophilia has always been an issue. I concede that point. I also concede that there is no way to completely end this horrendous crime, just as there is no way to end any crime completely, short of the extinction of mankind.  But I also believe firmly that this crime is becoming more and more prevalent in our society, and I feel called to speak out against a few of the factors that I are contributing to it. There are any number of contributors, but the ones that I hold most responsible are the pornography industry, the fashion industry, the internet, and of course, the entertainment industry in general.

                First, I believe pornography, and the industry around it, are the main culprits, particularly when the internet is employed as the primary delivery vehicle.  We are suffering from a pornography epidemic, and the problem is that the culprit is malicious, it builds upon itself.  Just as one can develop a tolerance for arsenic, so does a person develop a tolerance for pornography.  To make my point, let us look at history.  It is 2013.  In 1913 a woman exposing any part of her lower leg would be considered shocking, and very titillating to the men who were lucky enough to catch a glimpse.  Fast forward fifty years and Hugh Hefner is becoming rich exposing women’s breasts in a magazine.  Nothing else though.  Again, the men who took a peek were very happy to see it at the time, but after repeated exposure, it was not exciting anymore.  They needed more to arouse them.  By the time we get to the 1970s, there’s been a sexual revolution, and breast are not really that erotic anymore.  Cheryl Tiegs shows hers off in a wet swimsuit in Sports Illustrated.  Farah Fawcett never wears a bra, and has one of bestselling posters of all time to prove it.  What was shocking in the 50’s is now accepted openly.   So here come magazines like Hustler and Penthouse.  Now, it’s not just breasts.  In those magazines, the reader gets to see pubic hair!  Move along to the 1980s, and now that’s not enough, they have to see the vagina now! And now, everyone is getting home video machines, so now you can go in the back room of the local video store and rent a movie of people having sex.  If it’s a really graphic one, there might even be a group sex scene, because, come on!  Who’s it going to hurt! Enter the internet – now, you don’t have to even go embarrass yourself at the video store.  The internet offers at least the perception of anonymity, so there is no shame to hold you back.  Now, every single kink you may have ever entertained in a fantasy is there, yours to indulge in.  All you have to do is plug it into a search engine.  That’s where we are today.  Nothing seems to extreme.  People having sex?  Meh. I can see that on regular TV.  Want a little group or girl on girl?  Hell, HBO has that. The prurient mind needs a bigger kick now.  That no longer does it for him, or her, while this is a problem readily acknowledged in males, there are women who have this issue too. They need something more. Animals? Sure, Fetishes? No problem! Who’s it going to hurt? The problem is, as one of my closest friends likes to point out, it’s slippery slope.  Pretty soon, what was perverted 100, 50, 30, 20 even 10 years ago is now the norm.  Look at the popularity of the 50 Shades novels.  These are mainstream best sellers, yet deal with some of the kinkiest sex act imaginable.  Anais Nin would blush.  So what is next?  For the person with a sexual problem, too often the next step is of the edge of the cliff, into children.  Moreover, my biggest fear is, like so many other things that were once taboo, but are now considered normal, this will ultimately be deemed as ok, and we, as a society cannot let that happen.

                So what about the fashion industry? Think about the models they use. Most of the women modeling clothes have the figures of pre-pubescent boys. Really, how can any man find that attractive? They are even cutting their hair in short boyish haircuts. And on the subject of hair, there is a new trend emerging that initially I didn’t pick up on, but now, on reflection, disturbs me more than any other, and that is adults removing all their body hair. OK, I know that women have been shaving their underarms and legs since the 20’s. That’s a little different, as it is a visual thing. But now, men are shaving their chests, backs and legs. Why? To look like teenagers. Consider all the “Twilight Moms”. That is one really disturbing group. These are grown, often middle aged, women who are going crazy over adolescent boys. And the worst trend, the more I think about it, may be the rage of removing all the pubic hair. Both men and women are doing this. Now, I have nothing against being neat and trimmed, but complete removal? Other than trying to make their genitalia look like a child’s why would anyone do this? I am not saying that every woman with a Brazilian bikini wax is trying to indulge their partner’s pedophile fantasies. I think it is an erotic trend that people are seeing porn stars do, so they try it too, not realizing the underlying current of the trend. Question is, why are pornstars doing it? The short answer, so that they can look younger. As an experiment sometime, Google something like “teen sex” and see how many “barely 18” sights that come up.  Really? Barely 18? I remember 18. It wasn’t that great. When I was 18, 18 year old girls were hot, but I’m 46 now. No interest here. Yet they attempt maintain legality by passing off older (hopefully) models as “barely 18”. Really, you can say what you want, but all amounts to is another step in sexualizing children. These are all trends driven by a fashion industry, that is in turn driven by the need to always shock, because that shock factor is what brings fame, notoriety, and in the end, rewards.

                Now, to one of the biggest industries on the block, the entertainment industry. I have never seen such a collection of mercenary scumbags anywhere on earth that can compare with those in Hollywood. And Ironically, they have to unmitigated gall to criticize Wall Street? It almost brings me to a boiling point to even think about the hypocritical, self righteous, egotistical  megalomaniacs out there.  I don’t even know where to begin. Those Twilight Moms didn’t discover Jacob or whatever the other one’s name is by accident. It was well promoted. We were all hammered with pictures of these kids, standing there bare chested. Really, who ever heard of a hairless werewolf. But I digress. Across the range of entertainment, the industry has held their right to artistic freedom so dear as to threaten anything and everything that might disagree. Want to rile up a bunch of soccer moms with Taylor Lartner? Go for it. What can we do for the Dads? How about Hannah Montana’s new found penchant for going braless! That will get daddy riled up too. I have to say right now, I don’t care if she is technically an adult now. If I was Billy Ray Cyrus, we would be having a serious come to Jesus meeting. And do I need to go into all the actresses who now feel the need to flash there coochies so that you can see their wax jobs? It is really disturbing when you consider in light of the big picture.

                Yet no one is speaking out about this. Why? Are the perceived first amendment rights of pornographers more important than the rights of our children? Is the Supreme Court invented right to privacy more important? Where then, do we draw the line? I refuse to believe the philosophy that there are no moral absolutes. Morality is the essence of humanity. Certain basic tenets are absolute, regardless of faith, creed, or conviction. Killing another person in cold blood is wrong. Stealing is wrong. Torturing animals is wrong. And most assuredly, harming children, the most innocent, the most defenseless, in any way, from a rifle to taking inappropriate pictures, is WRONG. Is it because we no longer honer the aged, and are obsessed with eternal youth? Have we become so youth obsessed that we feel the only way to recapture our youth of the past is to harm the youth of today? I hope and pray that every one of you who reads this will have a couple of predictable reactions. First, I hope that the first thought, or rather, the first fact, that comes to your mind is that he is not talking about me. I would never do that to a child. Then, I hope that your next is agreement that there is a sickness that must be addressed. But most importantly, I hope that the third thing you discover in reading this, just as I have, is how we, the ones who protest our innocence, are, in our tacit acceptance of trends and behaviors that on the surface seem perfectly ok for consenting adults, are in reality enabling, if even passively, the moral justification of child abuse.  I honestly don’t have an amazing solution that has evaded everyone else to throw out that will fix this problem. Prohibition will not work. It never does. Just as banning semiautomatic weapons is not going to stop mass killings, neither will the banning of pornography result in the end of sexual abuse, particularly of children. But we, as the marketplace, have much more power than lawmakers anyway. We can choose what we spend money on, and the market will respond. If the market refuses to spend money on things that enable pedophiles to take that leap, then they will be deprived of them. And if even one child is spared isn’t it worth it?

                At this point, there are probably readers who are saying that I am off track, and that those things have no bearing on a pedophile’s behavior. I’ve heard these arguments before. Violent movies do not make people violent, right? It’s just a movie. Yes, and maybe porn doesn’t make people horny either. They just watch it for the fine acting and artistic quality. And those multimillion dollar 30 second commercials during the super bowl are done for fun. They are not intended in any way to influence human behavior.

                Look, I’m not a puritan. I am, as my wife will attest, a normal adult male. And because I am an adult heterosexual male, I do find adult females attractive. But not teenage girls, and I really can’t understand someone attracted to a prepubescent child. That is beyond me. God made beautiful creatures when he came out with women. All soft and round and curvy in the right spots. Teenagers and younger are like unripe fruit. Why would anyone want something that hasn’t matured yet? It makes no sense to me. It’s been many years since I was a child. I am a full grown adult. I have no desire to try to recapture my youth by chasing after something young enough to be my daughter. I think St. Paul said it better than anyone when he wrote in 1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. KJV.  Perhaps we, as a society need to put away our childish things, and admit that doing without a few things that on the surface appear to be safe, in order to keep our children out of harm’s way.